Thursday, May 21, 2009

Don't Tax Me Bro'

Well the people of California have told Arnold and the rest of the clowns in Sacramento to stick their propositions where the sun don't shine. We don't want your stinkin' taxes! So now the sky is going to fall, all the gang bangers, mother rapers, father rapers, the serial litterers are all going to be set free from jails, the cops and the teachers are going to be laid off and god knows what else.

So now the insatiable bloodsuckers will have to come up with some other ways to satisfy their relentless desire to tax and spend. Having already raised the state income tax and sales tax, what other methods can these parasites now devise to suck even more money from the beleaguered and reeling citizenry?

Well believe it or not there are a few things that are still free and unregulated in this state. But I suspect they won't be for long. My reliable sources tell me(those sources being the little voices that talk to me in my head) that in the near future we can look forward to some or all of the following schemes.

Despite all the people leaving the state because they just can't take it anymore, there is still a certain group of people that have always migrated to California, besides the illegal aliens, and will continue to come, and that group would be non other than the "surfer dudes". The reason is obvious. You can't surf in Kansas or North Dakota. People come from all over the country to ride our waves and god dammit we are going to make them pay for the privilege! All surfboards will be required to be registered with annual fees due. In addition, all surfers will be required to be licensed and insured. All boards will be required to have a GPS device installed at the owners expense which will keep tabs on how many hours are spent in the water as well as how many waves were ridden and fees will be charged accordingly. Surf patrol officers will keep watch on the waters to ensure all regulations are adhered to and to issue citations, confiscate boards and arrest any and all offenders. All of this is of course being done entirely to ensure a safe and orderly surf experience for everyone involved in the sport.

Once all of these rules are in place, similar rules and regulations will be put in place to apply to skateboards as well. That is projected to bring in much more revenue since there are far more skateboards than surfboards with many more regulatory opportunities all ready in existence.

While we are at it we should not forget about the revenue possibilities of bicycles. As gas prices increase and people get poorer or more environmentally conscious, we can expect motor vehicle use to decline and bicycle use to increase. This will result in steep declines in revenue from car and gas taxes, so the difference will have to be made up by those choosing pedal power. As the amount of bicycles on the roads increase it will be necessary to require testing and licensing of all operators as well as mandatory registration of all bicycles all for the safety of the people of course.

California prides itself in being the leader in air quality standards. The AQMD employs large numbers of people and spends millions of tax dollars just so that the people have clean air to breathe. But again, as vehicle use declines and major polluting industries either move out of state or go out of business due to the collapsing economy, revenues are expected to decline. So the citizens who are actually consuming the air will have to pay more of their fair share. A breath excise tax is being proposed. The more you breath, the more you pay. Athletes and porn stars will be charged higher rates than grandmothers sitting in rocking chairs. The details of how to implement this proposal are expected to take some time to work out but work has already begun.

In addition to the breath tax proposal, the legislators wanting to make sure they are covered at both ends will be submitting a fart tax bill. Inspired by the soon to be enacted bovine methane global warming tax on cow farmers, the assholes in Sacramento are proposing that all underwear sold in California must include an air quality measurement device capable of transmitting real time data to satellites which will then relay the data to a main computer in Sacramento. All farts will be analyzed with regards to volume and type of pollutants expelled and citizens will be billed on a monthly basis in relation to the level of stink they release into the air.(this ones gonna hit me hard!) A surcharge will also be applied when the daily fart limit of say 5 emissions is surpassed.

So that's just a little sneak peak at what's coming up here in California in the near future. Unless of course the citizens decide to take back the California Republic from the clutches of the "State of California". If you don't know the difference between the two or if you are unaware that there is a difference, then that would be a good starting point for research. If the people of California would just decide en mass to cancel all contracts with and refuse to cooperate or send anymore money to the "State of California" we could close them down. If the people would cease in accepting all benefits from the government, tear the plates off of their cars, rip up their drivers licenses and every other state issued means of control, then maybe we could start over. Yes, though this sounds insane, radical, revolutionary and highly unlikely to occur in sufficient numbers to have any effect, the alternative is simply to continue on along the same path we are on until we reach the ultimate end product of complete slavery.

1 comment:

  1. You may have given them some ideas that they haven't already thought of!! Methane from cows and similar emissions from humans.....what next!!!!